Back when Hurricane Matthew was headed our way, I sent a text to some folks who live in our neighborhood. My fat fingers stumbled over the digits, and I wrote:
These people got to quit franking out
I meant freaking
Another storm is headed our way and people are franking out already
FRANKING
I am not taking hurricanes lightly
We who are blessed enough to live in kingdoms by the sea deal with this every year
September we remember
See, Tenuous, supra, from about this time last year
Some five days out and people are franking out
Way ahead of the arrival of any storm, people are already in panic mode
And, yes, we are at perigee with King tides
Not to storm prep, but, because we needed some victuals, I went to the grocery store earlier
At the grocery store, I ran into a lovely Charlestonian who has taught generations of children to dance. She’s an accomplished baker. My daughter works for her
We spoke and hugged, as we do
We walked through a couple of aisles together
When we noticed the shelves bare of water, she said to me in her Lowcountry cadence, “Son, can you believe this sto’. It’s like no one’s evah bun through a hurrikin”
Well, duh
So many folks from off probably haven’t been through a hurricane
As our friends from Public Enemy used to sing, “Don’t believe the hype”
Don’t frank out
Have a plan
Keep your powder dry
Keep your insurance papers dry
Where’s the turn?
Where’s the Bermuda high?
Where’s the flashlight?
Where’s the battery operated flashlight?
Where’s the free sandbag pick up point this year?
Do we have water?
It may not matter, because we’re days away
But, even some days away, the shelves are as bare as Mother Hubbard’s cupboard
“We don’t know how this hurricane will impact the Lowcountry,” states the nice lady on the news
All schools will be under normal schedules for now
Until they aren’t
And, now, they are closing
No evacuation order given
And, now, there has been
I have a dear friend who works for a national news outlet. As I write, he is in Florida. I sent him a text asking if he was going to be in the eye of the storm
He replied, “I may be your houseguest in four days”
Come on, Bubba
If there’s an evacuation order, he can have the whole house. Now that there is one, he may have it
Then we might frank out
If His Excellency Henry McMaster, the Governor of South Carolina, gets on the tube and tells us in his inimitable Foghorn Leghorn voice, “It’s time to pahk ya cah on a hill”, then we might frank out
No hills around here, Son. I said, Son
His news conferences are hilarious
Until they aren’t
Like right now …. when he’s telling us that there’s a mandatory evacuation
Not enough to frank out about, though
I ain’t leaving
I’m just not
Plus, while the Cape Cod chips are still buy one get one free at the Harris Teeter, we might just hunker down
We will fill up the tubs so we can flush toilets
We will buy some more water
A highly cynical friend sent me this:
Really, think of the turtles
Their nesting beaches might be submerged yet again
That might be reason to frank out
And, now, with all the lanes being reversed and the texts flying
It might be time to frank out
Dad, what's for supper? 
The chairman of Charleston Water System never buys water or fills his bathtub for a storm, just saying. If you are on a well and don’t have a backup power supply, buy water. Otherwise, you will just be grumbling in a few weeks about all of the bottled water taking up space.
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