Franking Out

Back when Hurricane Matthew was headed our way, I sent a text to some folks who live in our neighborhood.  My fat fingers stumbled over the digits, and I wrote:

These people got to quit franking out

I meant freaking

Another storm is headed our way and people are franking out already


I am not taking hurricanes lightly

We who are blessed enough to live in kingdoms by the sea deal with this every year

September we remember

See, Tenuous, supra, from about this time last year

Some five days out and people are franking out

Way ahead of the arrival of any storm, people are already in panic mode

And, yes, we are at perigee with King tides

Dry day flooding; perigee; king tides; stop; don’t pass go

Not to storm prep, but, because we needed some victuals, I went to the grocery store earlier

At the grocery store, I ran into a lovely Charlestonian who has taught generations of children to dance. She’s an accomplished baker.  My daughter works for her

We spoke and hugged, as we do

We walked through a couple of aisles together

When we noticed the shelves bare of water, she said to me in her Lowcountry cadence, “Son, can you believe this sto’. It’s like no one’s evah bun through a hurrikin”

Well, duh

So many folks from off probably haven’t been through a hurricane

As our friends from Public Enemy used to sing, “Don’t believe the hype”

Don’t frank out

Have a plan

Keep your powder dry

Keep your insurance papers dry

Where’s the turn?

Where’s the Bermuda high?

Where’s the flashlight?

Where’s the battery operated flashlight?

Where’s the free sandbag pick up point this year?

Do we have water?

It may not matter, because we’re days away

But, even some days away, the shelves are as bare as Mother Hubbard’s cupboard

“Water water everywhere/Nor any drop to drink”. Samuel Taylor Coleridge, “The Rime of the Ancient Mariner”

“We don’t know how this hurricane will impact the Lowcountry,” states the nice lady on the news

All schools will be under normal schedules for now

Until they aren’t

And, now, they are closing

No evacuation order given

And, now, there has been

I have a dear friend who works for a national news outlet.  As I write, he is in Florida.  I sent him a text asking if he was going to be in the eye of the storm

He replied, “I may be your houseguest in four days”

Come on, Bubba

If there’s an evacuation order, he can have the whole house. Now that there is one, he may have it

Then we might frank out

If His Excellency Henry McMaster, the Governor of South Carolina, gets on the tube and tells us in his inimitable Foghorn Leghorn voice, “It’s time to pahk ya cah on a hill”, then we might frank out

No hills around here, Son.  I said, Son

His news conferences are hilarious

Until they aren’t

Like right now …. when he’s telling us that there’s a mandatory evacuation

Not enough to frank out about, though

I ain’t leaving

I’m just not

Plus, while the Cape Cod chips are still buy one get one free at the Harris Teeter, we might just hunker down

We will fill up the tubs so we can flush toilets

We will buy some more water

A highly cynical friend sent me this:

Think of the turtles…

Really, think of the turtles

Their nesting beaches might be submerged yet again

That might be reason to frank out

And, now, with all the lanes being reversed and the texts flying

It might be time to frank out

One thought on “Franking Out

  1. The chairman of Charleston Water System never buys water or fills his bathtub for a storm, just saying. If you are on a well and don’t have a backup power supply, buy water. Otherwise, you will just be grumbling in a few weeks about all of the bottled water taking up space.


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