It Needs a Hat

Rob Lowe tells a great tale of filming Tommy Boy with the late great Chris Farley. (Remember, it was he, Rob Lowe, who says, “These shoes are worth more than your life”. But, I digress)

Lowe regales on his podcast with the story of being out to supper with Farley one evening. As Farley devoured two steaks, he topped each bite with a pat of butter unwrapped from those little gold foiled packages in a pewter crock at table.

Upon being asked what he was doing, Farley responded, “It needs a hat”

Well, I finally caved at my age

He needs a hat.

I bought a full on, sun covering, Guatemalan made, straw woven, hand blocked, sun proof, water proof, leather strapped hat with wide brim. No, I don’t yet paint pictures of hay fields. And, yes, I still have both ears. But, damn if I don’t resemble Vincent wearing it. Full shade. Full stop

Paja touquilla

Palm shoots harvested from the mangroves and sold to dealers, soaked in water, smoked in sulfur, bleached, stripped, braided and woven

All to keep the sun off my face after fifty years of sunburns and questionable spots. We 70s kids will have to answer for all of that over the next 20 years

Technically, a cowboy hat in Guatemala, it looks like I’m about to audition for the remake of Evil Under the Sun. Or, perhaps Lust for Life.

Every year my parents hosted a Christmas party. One year, one of the guests had suffered a fall and had to have surgery on an ear. He arrived with one ear covered by a bandage. Our funny friend Jim Gibson leaned into me and said, “I didn’t know Billy painted”.

Well, wearing this lid some may think I’m destined for madness in a wheat field expecting return mail from brother Theo.

My children are mortified by me in the hat

My lovely bride says it will take some getting used to

Like the Mad Hatter in Alice, I am 7 3/8 in hat size. Or was he 7 1/8? Or was it that his hat could be purchased in that style for 10 | 6/?

Either way, I’m sure he and I are both crazy, mercury poisoning notwithstanding

If you see me round, just know that I can’t produce a starry night, or irises, or sunflowers