APBBQ

For the Class of ’24

In May of 2023, I went to Chapel Hill, NC, in order to take my daughter to the airport on a Sunday morning at 3:00 a.m.

She had a flight leaving the Raleigh Durham Airport, connections in Seattle, on to Seoul

It was Graduation Weekend. Commencing Commencement

I went up on that Saturday and was home that Sunday before 9 a.m.

While I was in Chapel Hill for that limited engagement, all I heard about was how much fun a Friday night party was for my daughter’s sorority’s members soon to be graduates held at the Horace Williams House Museum on Franklin Street

“They had a band”

“They had the best barbecue”

“It was in a tent on the lawn”

It was ALL I heard about during my less than 24 hours in the Old North State

So, being someone with executive functioning skills, I sent a text to a pal who had a daughter in the Class of ’23

Three texts and an email later, I was in touch with a lovely lady in Charlotte, NC, who gave me the entire playbook: the contact at the Horace Williams House, the contact for Wilber’s Barbecue in Goldsboro, NC, the contact for the tent/dance floor/stage/tables/linens in Cary, NC, and the contact with East Coast Entertainment for the band.

Starting over a year ago, calls were made, contracts put in place, items procured

A mom in Charlotte offered to do the flowers

Decisions done damn it

“We want to do the same party” was all I told people

“Have you procured the [fill in the blank]?”

“Yes, ma’am”

“Have you contacted the port-o-potty company?”

“My friend, [Who will now be ever called Mr. Port-o-Potty] has a pal in Fuquay Varina who can do that for us at cost”

“Call me in January to finalize”

“Let’s set the menu in February”

“The band’s rider is simple: a room, a full meal, water, and sufficient electricity”

Done

Done

Done

From May of last year through May of this year, I emailed a group of Moms and Dads whom I’ve come to know since that fated Covid year of 2020-2021 when we moved our daughters at least three or four times

I would email and ask for money to be sent to my Venmo account

Without any questions, without any push back, without any hesitation, my Venmo would fill with requested funds in a day

Without question

How trusting

I guess I could have stolen it and gone on a great trip

A week before the event, there were flurries of calls and texts and emails, including with the Town of Chapel Hill Police Department

I obtained the appropriate Noise Permit from the Police Department

We were able to have the band play until 11 p.m.

That being said, we agreed that the band would stop by 10:30 p.m. as the Horace Williams House borders a residential neighborhood

The morning of the party, I met the equipment company at 7:45 a.m. My pal Mr. Port-o-Potty, as I have now named him, my lovely wife, and I met the portable toilet company in the driveway of the Horace Williams House. Luckily, Mr. Port-o-Potty has a truck full of equipment, including extension cords of proper gauge that we used to plug in the portable toilet trailer, complete with air conditioning and stereo system.

How many college graduates does it take to rig up a portable toilet trailer? 3…it takes 3

By 9:45 a.m., we had tables, chairs, dance floor, stage, all under two tents on the lawn

“Do y’all put out the table cloths?”

“No, you do, Sir”

Fair enough

That afternoon, my bride and I went back to the Horace Williams House and placed Carolina Blue table cloths on 16 round tables and black table cloths on serving tables and bar tables

Who knew that draping polyester takes so long?

Our pals from Charlotte had already brought perfect arrangements with white and blue hydrangeas, blue muscari, and hosta leaves

We placed those on tables

After a quick change, it was back to the Horace Williams House by 3:45 p.m. to finalize everything

The folks from Wilber’s in Goldsboro arrived right on time, having bypassed a wreck on I40

“We got to get this bah buh cue to Chapel Hill!” is what one of the gentlemen from Wilber’s told me. “We were goin round that damn wreck”

We helped the band set up, too

Bounce is their name

If you ever need a great band, contact them through East Coast Entertainment

I knew they were going to be good when one of the female lead singers announced she needed some space, to, and, I quote, “Throw on my sequins”

A quick shower dumped rain on us at 5:45 p.m., then the skies opened up that perfect Carolina blue

By 6:00 p.m., the graduates and their parents arrived

Hugging old pals

Meeting parents whom we had not yet met

“Thanks for organizing this”

“Twas nothing”

As folks filled tables and started going through the buffet, I let everyone know that the dining room table was covered with individual servings of banana pudding

“Revoke my Southern card, but I hate banana pudding,” I announced to everyone, too

“Is this Wilbers?”

“Best Eastern North Carolina barbecue ever!”

“I love their hushpuppies”

The assembled devoured the barbecue, both pork and turkey, green beans, slaw, macaroni, hush puppies, and banana pudding

The band played opening songs in the form of what we all call Beach Music

As the buffet wound down, the band cranked up

By the time the opening disco diva sounds of “First I was afraid, I was petrified” swept across the crowd, the dance floor was full

The speakers were actually on the dance floor itself as the stage had a sinking spell when the speakers were placed upon them during set up and sound check

But, we made it work

By 9:15, a good time was being had by all

Everyone brought their own bottles, ice, cups, mixers, beer, wine, High White Noon Claws

Everyone shared their bottles, ice, cups, mixers, beer, wine, High White Noon Claws

Not the host, but definitely the Party Dad, I came around a corner and one of my daughter’s pals ran up to me

She’s from Little Washington, NC, and has the best accent

Absolutely the best

“Hamlin, there’s someone in there calling the police! Are we going to jail?”

Not on my watch, young lady

Sure enough, inside the front room of the Horace Williams House a grown man seethed and shook

I approached and introduced myself

“I have just called 911! You cannot have this party here!”

The veins in his neck bulged

His rage rollingly boiled

“This should not be a party venue”

Well, Sir, it is and has been since the 70s. We also have a Noise Permit

The lady who manages the place came in and spoke to the complainant. They were old pals

“I have told you that we have every right to have parties here,” she said

She pulled me aside and said he does this all the time

He did it two weeks ago during a wedding reception

Trying to disarm the man, I asked where he lived, what he did for a living, how much family he had

“I live a block away; I moved here two years ago”

“I teach at a university, but not this one”

“I have young children”

Lawd, he moved to the alleged nuisance

Lawd, a dookie

Lawd, a dad

“How old are your children?” I asked

“They are 14 and 12,” he spat at me

“Well, Sir, I can guarantee you that they are awake and on Tik Tok at 9:25 on a Friday”

Oh, boy, I pushed his button on that

“THEY ARE NOT ON TIK TOK!”

Well, they aren’t asleep at 9:25 on a Friday. I kept that to myself.

After that, I felt taps on my shoulder from another of my daughter’s pals

“Mr. O’Kelley, the police are here”

So, out into the night I went knowing there was a lawn full of people ready to raise my bail if needed, with a number of licensed North Carolina attorneys sprinkled about the tables

Extending my right arm, I introduced myself to the officers and handed them the Noise Permit

“You’re fine, Sir” was the immediate reply

“We have to walk the party to make sure everyone is fine and secure”

“Yes, Sir”

“Sorry to be here, Mr. O’Kelley, but he calls every week”

“Yes, Ma’am”

So, the police walked around the tent, circled the dance floor, asked for a decibel level reading

“Y’all are at 91, and can go to 130,” one of the officers told me. “He’s probably at 60 at his house, which is conversation level”

As we discussed the sound levels, the numerous complaints made by the dookie, the fact that the Horace Williams House has been a venue for fifty years, I realized that the police were definitely on our side

“They had this same party here last year, and he complained”

Looking back over the leftovers of the buffet, I turned to the cops and said that may be we should give him some green beans and slaw as it was obvious the man was definitely backed up

They laughed